Chapter 10 – Quarrel
Ariel
“Come on, June,” I say, grinning at my sister as she pulls against my hand. “Why do you let Midnight get to you?”
“I don’t know,” she says, sighing and giving up the fight. She hesitates for a second before she reaches for me, wanting a hug now in place of violence. “Just a hobby, I guess.”
I wrap my sissy up tight in my arms, knowing she needs it. “It’s all going to be fine, Junie,” I whisper. “You took over a world, that has to be the hard part. Getting your boyfriend a body is going to be a cinch!”
“Yeah,” she murmurs, her words muffled in my shoulder. “But then he has to meet dad.”
I grin, giving her a squeeze. “Dad’s met him! He likes him! He gave him a hero’s funeral!”
“Dad likes him as a self-sacrificing soldier,” Junie murmurs. “Not as my twenty-something boyfriend,” I grin and glance over at Tony, who looks paler, if possible.
I grin at him and loosen up my hug on Junie, looking over at Laila, who waits patiently at the door. “Go on,” I say, giving my sister a little nudge. “Take your mermaid to mom and dad’s house, we all need to rest up so we can come up with a plan in the morning.”
“Don’t call her a mermaid,” June murmurs, looking up at Tony as he steps closer to her side. “She hates that.” Together the pair walk towards the door, June hesitating as she looks at all her luggage sprawled across my floor. She bends to lift one small suitcase in her hand, presumably so she has something to sleep in, and looks worriedly around at the rest.
“Oh, don’t worry about this,” I say, waving my hands at her. “We’ll make Jackson take it all over in the morning.”
June grins at me. “Just Jackson? You’re not going to help?”
“I’m pregnant, Juniper,” I say, my voice reverent and mock-shocked at the suggestion as I press a hand to my stomach. “Which apparently means I can’t do anything. At all. Ever!”
“At least you get out of the hard labor,” she says, smiling softly at me and then waving goodnight.
I laugh and wave back as the three leave me alone in my little living room. I sigh in the sudden silence, looking around at all of Juniper’s crap. Seriously, what on earth did she bring? It’s like she thinks mom hasn’t been steadily buying stuff in her absence, preparing for her return. I mean, it’s not like Juniper is going to want for a wardrobe in this world.
“You know I think you can do stuff, right?”
Jackson’s voice rings out behind me. I turn to see him standing in the door to our bedroom, leaning against the frame. I peer around his torso to see Goldie curled up on her little cot, fast asleep, her stuffed tiger clasped in her arms.
I sigh again, deeper this time, and turn towards my mate. “Do you really think that, Jacks?”
Jackson sighs too and shifts, moving into the living room and pulling the bedroom door shut behind him. “Come on, Ariel. Let’s talk about what happened tonight.”
I watch as my mate crosses to the couch, not sure I have the energy for this fight.
Jackson turns at the couch but doesn’t sit down, just…looking at me, his face stony.
My shoulders slump. I hate it so much when Jackson and I are at odds. “I can’t give in on this one, Jacks.”
He cocks his head slightly, unsure about what I mean.
I sigh. “I just…I thought we had this talk. You can’t treat me like a porcelain doll just because I’m pregnant.”
“I don’t think asking you to stay out of an active war zone is treating you like a porcelain doll, Ariel.”
I shake my head. “But that’s not what happened tonight. Nobody went into an active war zone. You…you can’t overstate the situation just so you get your way.”
Jackson sighs again, nodding, and holds out a hand toward me. I take the invitation, moving to the couch, but I don’t take his hand. He drops it and we both sit, facing each other, tension thick between us.
My wolf lets out a howl in my soul, managing somehow to be ferocious and sad at once. You tell him, she says, scratching a little at my soul with her paw. We’re not going to be bossed around. No way. Nuh-uh.
I stroke a hand over her fur, feeling Jackson’s wolf steady across the bond, watching us.
“Ariel,” he says, leaning towards me. “I…cannot have you putting yourself in danger like that.”
“And I can’t have you keeping me out of it, Jackson.”
He clenches his jaw but looks at me, working hard to understand. My wolf howls again, some of the ferocity going out of her because we can feel him trying. “Please, Ari – help me get on the same page as you. Because I – I don’t see how this works, logically, you saying that you should be in dangerous situations when you’re carrying our children –“
“Jacks,” I say, slightly snappy, dropping my eyes to my lap. “I feel like you’re…throwing that at me as some kind of trump card – something that can’t be argued against. But it can’t be true that just because I’m pregnant I have to be shut up safe and sound in a house all day –“
“I’m not trying to shut you up in a house all day –“
“You still want to be the one who makes the call about when something is too dangerous!”
He inhales, long and slow, a muscle working in his jaw. He takes a moment to collect his thoughts before he speaks again. “I don’t see what sense it makes to bring two little girls onto a battlefield or into other similarly dangerous situations, Ariel. If they were born you wouldn’t bring them. Just because they’re…growing inside of you doesn’t make it any different.”
My mind works on this logic, trying to figure out a way around it. Because it’s true – I wouldn’t bring my daughters on a battlefield. But still, something else seems to be at stake.
“Jackson,” I say quietly, looking down at my hands. “It’s…not going to work for me, this idea that I have to be the one who sits back while you’re free to rush into war and put yourself at risk for our family. I am…not just going to sit around and watch you die. My role in our lives is not going to be to survive you and raise our daughters alone, telling them you were a good man.”
My throat tightens at the idea and my eyes mist. I sniff, trying very hard not to cry and doing a very bad job at it.
Jackson’s wolf howls across the bond, low and deep, and mine breaks – rushing to him and pressing herself to his side, burying her nose deep in his fur.
I look up and lock eyes with my mate, instantly taking the same action as my wolf when I see the devastated expression on his face. I crawl across the couch, curling myself up in Jackson’s lap as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close, resting his cheek against my hair.
“That’s not going to happen,” he murmurs. I can feel him shake his head, refusing it.
“It could,” I whisper. “And…it’s less likely that I’ll lose you if I’m there to protect you too.”
He’s silent for a long moment, thinking.
“You have to admit that I’m powerful too, Jacks,” I say, hesitating, trying to find the words to match my difficult thoughts and emotions. “Sometimes more powerful than you.”
“I know that, Ariel,” he murmurs. “I’ve never, ever tried to deny that.”
I nod, knowing that he hasn’t. “I didn’t like it, tonight,” I continue. “When you and Jesse left so fast and I was left home. I realized after you left, very fast, that my magic could maybe really help in that world. Juniper called mom asking for me, not you.”
He goes still as he realizes that I’m right.
“How would I have borne it if I realized that Juniper was calling on me for aid and I sent you instead into a situation you couldn’t face? What if she needed the fire and you’d all died?”
Jackson groans and hangs his head. I wind my arms around him, holding him against the terrible thought. But it’s a conversation we need to have, truths that need to be said.
Again, he shakes his head. “I – I still can’t stand it, Ari,” he murmurs. “The thought of you and the babies getting hurt – any of you, let alone all of you –“
I nod, understanding. “But you’ve got to –“
“Ariel,” he says, lifting his head, the seriousness of his expression making my words stop dead on my tongue.
He pulls back, looking into my eyes with those pretty sapphire blue ones, so beautiful, so like our daughter’s. Tears come to my eyes again as I hope, quite desperately, that our twins have those beautiful eyes as well.
“Ari,” he continues, trying again and working around a tightness in his throat. “I…I haven’t slept for days.”
My eyes go wide. “What?”
He tries hard for a smile, glancing away, I think embarrassed. “Since I found out you’re pregnant, I haven’t slept –“
“What!?”
He laughs a little. “I fucking can’t.”
“But I see you sleep!” I say, straightening in his lap and staring at him, shocked. “I wake up! And you’re asleep!”
“You wake up and I am pretending to be asleep. So you don’t get worried.”
I snarl, smacking him on the shoulder. “Scoundrel. Jackson! Why would you do that!?”
He leans forward towards me but I growl, pulling back, wanting my answer and making him smile. “I didn’t want you to worry!”
“Sometimes I want to worry! I should worry!”
He shrugs, standing by his choices, looking down.
I shift so that I can press my hand along the line of his jaw, turning his face back up to me. “Tell me. Why can’t you sleep?”
He sighs and again shakes his head. “Every time I try to sleep I have these…horrible fucking dreams, Ari – about you getting hurt, the girls getting hurt. So, then I just stay up instead, my mind running through all the scenarios I can think of, coming up with plans about how I’d protect the four of you in any dangerous situation possible. I have…all these insane plans all laid out in my mind. What to do if a man comes in Marigold’s window. What to do if eight men come in Marigold’s window. What to do if the house is surrounded by wolves – what to do if there’s a bad storm and the house floods –“
I stare at him in shock.
“I am terrified, Ari,” Jackson whispers, holding my gaze. “Terrified of losing you. Any of you, all of you. I have never had anything and now I have everything. And I am…terrified of losing it.”